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All I Want for Christmas is the Playoffs in Cincinnati

Do you remember the first time your parents told you about Santa Claus? No? Ok, how about the first time you sat on his lap and he asked you, "What do you want for Christmas?" You do? Good, now keep that memory in your head. No, don't place it on the back burner, put it on the small front burner and continue with me. Do you remember how you felt on Christmas morning, and you saw a present from Santa, and it was exactly what you wanted? Of course you remember, what child doesn't. The child that was on Santa's naughty list doesn't remember, but he doesn't count.

Let's fast forward to the mid to late 1990's and early 2000's. Let's try 1991 to 2004 to be exact. We'll even add in 2006 to 2008 for those of you who just started to become fans. You're a Cincinnati Bengals fan, and you just want a winning team. For some reason, you can't ever get one. Year in, and year out, the "Bungals" continue to disappoint you. From David Klingler to Jeff Blake. From Jeff Blake to Neil O'Donnell and then back to Jeff Blake. Then Cincinnati Bengals owner Mike Brown said, "Hey, let's follow that trio with Akili Smith that lineup." No Mike, how about we don't do that. Well, Mike listened, and after a year, he Bengals fans Jon Kitna. Now, I have no personal vendetta against Kitna, but no offense Jon, you're not cut out to be a Quarterback in Cincinnati. It's those small hands of yours that bothers me.

Don't worry though Bengals fans, because the Messiah, Carson Palmer, was on his way. After being drafted by the Bengals in 2003, Palmer sat out the entire year as the Bengals followed a 2-14 2002 with an 8-8 record under first year Head Coach Marvin Lewis. Everything changed in 2005 when the Bengals went to the playoffs for the first time since winning their division in 1990. That is, until Kimo Von Dream Killer crushed any hopes of the Bengals winning the Super Bowl that year.

Stay with me young grasshoppers, I know it's been a long flight, but I promise, we're getting close to the climax. In '06, Palmer came back, and the Bengals finished with an 8-8 record for the 3rd time in four years. But that was ok, because Palmer was getting his feet wet again, and in '07, the Bengals would surely be in cruise control all year into the Playoffs. Nope, you're wrong. A 7-9 record in '07, and a dismal 4-11-1 record in 2008, and voila, you have the Cincinnati Bengals at their finest. Breaking hearts, and losing games.

Like I said grasshopper, we're close to the end, as now, we're to the present in 2009, and the 8-3 Bengals are leading the AFC North Division by two games over both the Baltimore Ravens and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Oh, and on a side note, we beat both of them, TWICE! By the looks of their remaining schedule, if the Bengals were to lose any more games, it would probably happen in Minnesota against the Minnesota Vikings, possibly San Diego against the San Diego Chargers, and you can never count out those "J-E-T-S, NEW YORK JETS!"

Let's tie this all together now young grasshopper. The Bengals sucked, for a lack of a better term, from 1991 to 2004. In 2005, we were treated to Air Palmer, the Chad Johnson Show, and criminal activity. From 2006 to 2008, the Bengals, again, sucked. Now, in 2009, the Jungle's rockin', seats are selling out (barely), and the Bengals are winning again.

So, what do I want for Christmas? Well Santa, I'd sure love a Bengals team that doesn't blow it down the stretch, Lord knows the Cincinnati Reds are great at that. I'm tired of hearing about the Shittsburgh Squeelers, I mean Pittsburgh Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens. I want a Bengals team to beat the teams they're supposed to beat (Detroit Lions, Kansas City Chiefs, and maybe the Jets). The Bengals need to compete with the Vikings and the Chargers. Definetely Sand Diego because if the Bengals win that game, count them in for a first round bye.

If you're listening Santa, and I know you are, I want the playoffs in Cincinnati, and this time, leave out the image of Number 9 sprawled out on the ground grabbing his knee. And while you're at it, sell out the Chiefs game, because I'm sick of hearing about the possibility of a blackout. If you want to make this Christmas better for all those that lost their jobs, then you'll give the Bengals a playoff spot, more wins, and a spot in the AFC Championship Game. I don't mind watching the Bengals against the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship Game, whether or not they win, at least they made it there. Don't worry, I'll be calling for help next year. It might be for the Reds though, because I'm not sure where the light at the end of the tunnel is.
The Easy
P.S. Don't worry Santa, I'll leave milk and cookies.


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